Tolerance Vs. Responsibility
This is in response to Ange’s comment on the previous post.
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Yeh, I’m pretty tolerant, but there has to be a point where tolerance ends, and you decide that something is just plain wrong.
During the discussion the bits that I was most interested in (or disturbed by) were the bits where others on the panel were talking about their kids and how they had to be as open minded as they could in their upbringing. I agree with that up to a certain point.
As a parent it’s your responsibility to give them the best upbringing possible. Failing to do this in favor of them “making their own decisions” or letting them do whatever they want, would be failing in your job. Of course I’m just talking about smaller children. I’m not even going to start on once they get into their teens… whole different kettle of fish.
Children NEED bounderies for security. It’s very obvious to me and you what you can and can not do. This is not the same for children, so for their own security they need you as a parent to tell them what they should to do and what they should not do. They should also know what is dangerous for them and when their actions will hurt others.
A parent that fails to instill these most basic of principles into their children is failing to give them the foundation that they need for a stable life. If my kid becomes a teenager and decides to disregard all that I have taught them in their childhood, then that is their decision, and when I should be understanding, as they are of an age when they (should) understand the decisions that they make.
OK, well, this is a bit too long for a comment, so I’ll make a whole new blog entry for it! Just to prove that I’m not “Just a techie” 
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Link no workee…
link workee just fine!
Link no workee before, but then later link workee.
Yeah exactly, when Jo and I were getting together we saw a number of young couples that were intent on being “open minded” when it came to raising their children. They’d let them eat loads of candy and sweets, watch any kids show on TV and for the most part were negligent as far as discipline goes.
It was all under the “people were too harsh with me so I am not going to discipline my kid” excuse, which to me is simply giving your kids a free ticket to PRISON.
Consequently their kids were not well behaved at all and were generally unhappy anyway. When their parents did get pissed off at them they’d get all out of whack and take it out on their kids.
So essentially, security went with discipline and being firm with set boundaries. In the cases I saw these went hand in hand, a sad sight.
Jo and I didn’t want that. Sure I had my fare share of spankings from my father and though I didn’t enjoy it I hold no regrets because even at the time I knew that my father loved me in spite of my sore ass. I knew the rules and the limits and I respected them, for the most part.
We as a couple decided that our kids would have boundaries and limits but at the same time the discipline we gave would be consistent and not a means to vent our frustration. Simply put, kids in my opinion who don’t learn respect and how to live their lives by a set of rules or values when they are young, grow up thinking there is little or no consequence to their actions.
I believe they teach those things in prison though.
I agree with both of you (quoth the inexperienced soul). And kids do understand, at least we did…
“Mooom, why can’t we do x? So-and-sos’ parents let them do it!”
“Well, I’m _your_ mother, _I’m_ responsible for you, I don’t think that’s right (or whatever other reason). If they want to let their kids do x, that’s fine, they’re their parents. But I don’t think it’s right, which is why you can’t do it.”
“Okay.”
I had a very happy childhood, truly, with very clear boundaries, which resulted in there not having to be a ton of rules. Because we obeyed the important ones (or learned to obey them, aherm), there was no need for Mom to obsess over the piddlies some parents nitpick about (most likely venting their frustration), because she knew we’d obey in the important stuff and keep away from the harmful.