A Day in Paradise

UtterlyBoring.com: Biblical Laws for Children

Very funny set of “Biblical” laws for children…

My favorites:
Laws When at Table: Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.

and

When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you.

On Screaming: Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming.