A Day in Paradise

Dateline: Hollywood » REAL 40 YEAR OLD VIRGINS SAY %u201840 YEAR OLD VIRGIN%u2019 MOVIE MAKES THEM UNCOMFORTABLE

This is the funniest thing I have read in a VERY long time. Great stuff!

Ever have trouble staying awake during meetings or seminars? Here’s a little game that will keep you busy.

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. Most find that 5″x5″ is a good size. Divide the card into columns, five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.
2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:
   • result-driven
   • at the end of the day
   • out of the loop
   • 24/7
   • infrastructure
   • core competencies
   • revisit
   • bottom line
   • best practice
   • strategic fit
   • fast track
   • think outside the box
   • win-win
   • proactive
   • value-added
   • benchmark
   • 110%
   • client focus(ed)
   • paradigm
   • game plan
   • leverage
   • moving forward
3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.
4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically or diagonally, stand up and shout, “BULLSHIT!”

Thanks to UB for the Joke

QDB: Quote #464385

< @insomnia> it only takes three commands to install Gentoo
< @insomnia> cfdisk /dev/hda && mkfs.xfs /dev/hda1 && mount /dev/hda1 /mnt/gentoo/ && chroot /mnt/gentoo/ && env-update && . /etc/profile && emerge sync && cd /usr/portage && scripts/bootsrap.sh && emerge system && emerge vim && vi /etc/fstab && emerge gentoo-dev-sources && cd /usr/src/linux && make menuconfig && make install modules_install && emerge gnome mozilla-firefox openoffice && emerge grub && cp /boot/grub/grub.conf.sample /boot/grub/grub.conf && vi /boot/grub/grub.conf && grub && init 6
< @insomnia> that’s the first one

Index to Dr. Mayes’ Web Pages

Great reference source for all-things-statistical.

Some great quotes on the front page as well as this nice formula sheet, great spreadsheet humor, and this GREAT VBA Humor page.

I can’t help but pasting a couple:

Dim Wit, TheLights
Public Nudity As Graphic
Dim Julian As Boolean, King As String, Kong As Long
Actor = Val(Kilmer)

As seen here

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don’t search around and look for the “coolest” book you can find. Do what’s actually next to you.

What is a pseudo-terminal? What programs use pseudo-terminals?

That was from the Excersizes after the Chapter of Linux Administation Handbook on Serial devices…. And the point of this excersize was?

Fat Dutch Man - Funny guy dancing Ozone’s Dragostea Din Tei

I’ve had this one sent to me a couple times… probably only appreciated by the Europeans who have had to listen to the song all of last summer.

Horrific storm damage in Sweden (With Pic!)

You’ve got to see this one!

With all the news on TV lately about the extreme weather conditions affecting the East Coast of the US, the mud slides in the Middle East and South America, the flood that made it’s mark on Southern England, along with the dire predictions made by such films as The Day After Tomorrow, we shouldn’t forget that Sweden has its share of devastating weather too.

SQLFormatter SQL editor formats SQL

No more messy SQL!

Graffë Forums - Computers - Unsecure networks Google = fun

A LOT of fun to be had here!!!

Search for yourself

Herald.com | 12/12/2004 | Can’t we all just get along?

…for those who can’t “just get along” there is always the George Bush conspiracy generator.

British Airways - Global Registration

These guys are a bit overly explicit in the ‘title’ field fof their form. Some of the options include: Chief, High Chief, Dame, Crown Prince/Princess, Contessa, Reverend, not to mention Her Royal Highness and His Holiness.

All they are missing is “The Late”

I wonder if these are ever used… I swear next time I fly BA I’m going to register as “The Very Reverand Aaron Wormus”

Picked it up from Utterly Borning

Davezilla - Daily humor, tomfoolery and monkeyshines » Label instructions

US company sells clothes in France with the following on the tag:

1. Wash with warm water
2. Use mild soap
3. Dry flat
4. Do not use bleach
5. Do not dry in the dryer
6. Do not iron
7. We are sorry that our President is an idiot
8. We did not vote for him

OK, here’s a real groaner that I just came up with…

Psychosymantec — A virus that exists only in the mind of the victim

Common usage:
Phone: I was away from my computer for 5 minutes and I think somone hacked me an installed a virus. Now booting up the comptuer takes much longer, and I think the virus is emailing itself to everyone in my address book!
You: Don’t worry, that’s a pychosymantec virus, and is usually harmless.

Programmer Jokes

A funny page… this bit was particularly amusing.

PROGRAMMERS’ DRINKING SONG
100 little bugs in the code,
100 bugs in the code,
fix one bug, compile it again,
101 little bugs in the code.
101 little bugs in the code…..

(Repeat until BUGS = 0)

Florida Election Ballot

Check it out! Unfortunately it’s a bit buggy in Firefox